Clarr Report: Jan. 27nth Nikki Unplugged (no meds)

My emotionally disturbed, seven year old student, Nikki is going through a cruel and sudden transition. Her mother refuses to give her medication in the morning before she gets on the bus because she is just too darn lazy. So, we have to give her the first pill when she gets to school. Nikki has to ride the bus, arrive at school, and wait for the nurse to get her the Concerta. Once she has swallowed the pill it takes between 30 to 45 minutes for it to kick in. Naturally, I have to deal with her for the first hour that she is in this precarious state. Today, she licked and spit on her morning paperwork so thoroughly that I could have rung it out and had enough liquid to boil Rigatoni with. Then she took flight around the room, flapping her arms and cawing for no apparent reason. The principal came into my room and asked me why I was not at the PTA meeting last night as Nikki was perched up on her desk staring down at her. The flapping continued, the cawing continued. She called my 9 year old, 220 pound student named John, 'fat' and 'ugly.'She threw damaging items at my smart board.
I was in a tough spot because my 220 pound student will get downright violent if I do not get him breakfast, but with Nikki acting this way and the Concerta's ineffectiveness to this point, I couldn't take her into the hallways. Making tough decisions is part of the job, so I chose option B) Risk the hallway thrill ride rather than deal with a violent, strong and hungry John.
Embarrassing is not even the word for the things that Nikki did in the hallway. First of all, she saw a chair that was labelled 'wet' - a child most likely pee'd in it. She got on the chair with her knees and pushed, and - since the chair had wheels - she helped herself to a joy ride for a few moments until I grabbed hold of it and found out why it was labelled 'wet.' Then, she pushed herself up against the wall and pretended to be asleep for a good minute. Once she had her fun with this game and I pleaded with to stop by offering her riches, my car - anything I could think of - she sprinted down the hall like a young Marion Jones in her prime drug days. I found her in the cafeteria, calmly putting food onto a tray, flashing me that million dollar smile and letting me know that I reminded her of her dead cat named 'Precious.' What an honor, I know how much she loved that cat.
The Concerta had finally taken effect and Nikki was calm enough to tote the tray of breakfast food all the way back to the classroom without anymore mishaps. To top it off, John got to eat many breakfast's because there were some absences, therefore, everyone was happy.
Apparently, I have not received the worst of the abuse that Nikki can dish out when she is not on her med's. The bus driver told me that Nikki said that she looked more like a "Crack-Whore", then a bus driver. Ouch.


**********The outside shell of a Concerta tablet is the immediate dosage, then the rest of it slowly dissolves in time released increments. Supposedly, it lasts the whole day. Not in Nikki's case, thats why we have to give her another just three hours later. I have another student, named Ricky, that has the same type of medicinal schedule and he is still wild throughout the day.**********

Martin Luther King Jr.

It's nice to be off on this beautiful day in the South. The schools down here actually close for this occasion, unlike most other places of business. Among whites in the South, Martin Luther King Jr. is not really their kinda guy, even though he was from Atlanta. Luther was a man who incited change and concentrated his efforts on making things better for African Americans. Southern whites are as resistant to adhering to change as organic grocery stores are of selling corn dogs.
Red necks could care less about Martin Luther King Jr. They are too busy washing off the deer blood from the hood of their Ford truck - you know the truck with the Confederate Flag tied to a windshield wiper with chicken wire. I guess we have to give them a break, they were probably too drunk to tie the dearly departed deer to the hood properly.

Class Report Jan. 11nth, 2010: Nope, they are still bad!

My students pulled the wool over my eyes big time last week. I thought I was actually making some headway with them, curing them of their emotional problems through my expert behavior management techniques and unmatched charm. They behaved so well last week! Turns out, they were just toying with me.
It all started when John, the 215 pound nine year old, refused to do his reading lesson since he had to go 1st. Shockingly, offering him a snack didn't work. I resorted to threats; claiming that I would take away all of his computer time if he did not immediately comply. He yelled and begrudgingly oozed to my desk for his reading lesson. After we finished, he went to his computer for 15 minutes of free time, and I asked Ricky to come for his reading lesson. Soon after Ricky and I began the lesson, John turned the volume all the way up on the computer; he wanted to make sure it was impossible for Ricky and I to get into the lesson. So, I got up, walked over to John and gave him three options: 1) Turn the volume all the way down and obey computer station rules 2) Go cool off in time-out 3) Go back to his desk and put his head down. John chose option 4) Smash the mouse down on the desk, try to rip the cord out of the mouse, try to rip the internet cord out of the wall, fight his teacher as his teacher tried to defend the innocent school property. I was unaware that I gave him that fourth option. This altercation ended with me restraining him to the floor as he tried to punch my face. I'm convinced that this is the strongest nine year old on the planet. After John calmed down, did his timeout, he was much, much better and even apologized.
Then it was Nikki's turn. On the playground she kept taking the boy's football and trying to throw it over the playground fence and onto the street. I had to give her a timeout on a playground bench. Once on the bench, she cursed out whoever passed her, using choice words like "fag" and "gay". Recess had to be cut short due to her inglorious behavior. After a whole lot of complaining and threatening to kill Nikki for making us come in early, I got the boys settled down and Nikki in timeout. She swore at, cursed at, screamed at and threatened everyone she could think of, even her mailman! - I'm not too sure what her beef with him is.
All this happened after an early morning conversation between Nikki and John, about Jesus, in which Nikki claimed that Jesus hears your swear words and will punish you for each one once you die. She also said that Satan lives in "the hot place" which she would rather not go to when she dies. The last revelation that Nikki proclaimed was that bad kids "burn up" all the time, everyday in hell. The saddest part of it is that her mother tells her these things to try to keep her in line. I understand it is very hard to keep this child in line, but can't a grown up think of something other than a line from Dante's Inferno?

Class Report Jan. 6 - 8, 2009: Good kids?

My students were actually good this week; I think CNN might run a special on it. Talk about a newsflash, I can't remember the last time all of them were good for a five day stretch. It must be too good to be true - and it was. On the fifth day, when they were so close to going a whole week without causing me any indigestion, Nikki could not hold it together in the lunch room. Before we got to the lunchroom she stopped at the door and exclaimed, "I'm not going in there!" She said this over and over as the other children got their lunches and sat down. Apparently, her problem was not going into the lunchroom, but having to sit at the lunch table with Ricky, who had been annoying her. When I finally coaxed her into getting her lunch and sitting down she got right in Ricky's face with her fist cocked back and said,
" I am going to knock your teeth out lil boy!" Knowing that this seven year old girl is not gun shy when it comes to hitting boys - matter of fact she is trigger happy - I dragged her back out of the cafeteria. She flopped around on the floor, cried a river, and cursed me. Since no other teacher was going to help me, or any staff member for that matter, I had to figure out a plan for getting this psychotic child back to the classroom while the rest of my class was in the lunchroom. It turned out that I had to cut lunch short - the children had to pick up their trays, carry them back to the classroom, and finish eating there. Needless to say, I did not get to have lunch that afternoon.
This was the only outrageous behavior to report this week - so, all in all, I will take this week and store it in the dream category, because this has been the best week that I have ever experienced as a Special Ed. teacher.

Class Report Jan. 5th 2010: Two Priceless Quotes From a Second Grade Student

Nikki, my 7 year old female student, was in ultra rare form this morning. It was hard for me to get her to quiet down. However, in all the verbal debris there were some gems to salvage. The first one was a bit scary. Nikki was talking about her dead grandmother when all of a sudden she covered her mouth, her eyes got wide as saucers, and she shuddered. When I asked her what was wrong she replied, "if I talk about granny she will haunt me." Nikki has told me of paranormal activity in her house. For example, she says that sometimes her bed lifts off the ground or it just shakes, she sees apparitions walking about in her house including her granny, she hears people talking in the house when everyone is asleep, and the Television sometimes has red eyes and talks to her. Valueless tales of a emotionally challenged little girl? Or are these accounts true and the reason that she is emotionally disabled?
The second one is a humorous one. She simply said that all white kids do not have brothers or sisters. Kids raised in all black communities sometimes think of white kids as fantastically over-privileged. My students are constantly asking me questions about white people as if white people are things they have heard about but never actually seen. Although they don't consider me white, they assume I know all about white people. When I ask them what race they think I am, sometimes they say "Teacher", sometimes they say, "Italian" (which is true) - but when they are mad at me they call me "Cracka" or "Mexican."